Forget Ra-One and G-One, here’s D-One!
The characters I introduce in the following are purely fictitious. There’s nothing to be read between the lines, so don’t even try. This is just imagination going wild, post RA-One.
It’s official. Chhammak and Chhallo know only too well that they’d do better to sign up for D-One (and D-Boy) rather than either of Ra-One or G-One. Because D-One, after all, is ‘the one’. Which is not to say, of course, that Ra-One and G-One don’t count. They do. But only in a stupid game in an unconvincing “sci fi” movie, one which I am sure you must have heard of, of late. (It does look like a TRON ripoff, doesn’t it?) If you haven’t heard of it or watched it, here’s a preview that can save you all the time and money!
On what I hear was the “happy birthday” of that charismatic chap called SRK — judging from women posting “happy birthday” messages all over their walls on that most “unbooky” of books called facebook — I ended up watching yet another SRKish movie. RA-One, the movie, falls in pretty much the same league as ‘Om Shanti Om’ — without much of a plot or point, with oodles of SRKness sprinkled all over (which is often, but not always, funny, and good only for the fangirls and fanboys), and one USP — the “sci-fi” twist and that “King Khan” plays a “superhero”, which leaves plenty of scope for special effects and action sequences. In ‘Om Shanti Om’ the USP was SRK taking off his shirt on-screen to show off those six packs. (The bonus was Deepika Padukone, of course!) I’m no critic of movies (I don’t do it for a living!) but often it’s not quite the movie that sells in India, it’s the “star”. It helps if you’re a ‘Khan’ or a ‘Kapoor’.
But this is not about RA-One. Nor about G-One. It’s about D-One. D-One looks like any usual superhero in disguise — speccy, talented, with stealth abs. And he can play a flute that makes the women swoon. He can even dance! Chhammak, who usually spends her time going ‘ta-thai-ta-ta-thai’ or watching ‘Roadies’ or indulging in some other youtube goodness is one hell of a spoilt child! ‘Angry birds’, I hear, is another favourite of hers! She throws her tantrums at the innocuous D-One who usually concedes to her whims and fancy. Chhallo keeps making witty remarks every now and then about it. Or she wants to go home. Oh, and then there’s D-Boy, or you may call him DudeBoy, who’s forever falling for women older than him. D-Boy has been ‘the boy’ — most sought after by women, young and old. It confuses the hell out of him! He spends his days watching Jab We Met, or passing off jokes from comedy shows as his own (or so I am told), and doing that SRK thing (very professionally, I should say!)
D-Boy’s potbelly (oh, I mean stealth abs!) are the stuff of legend! They have attracted men and women alike. D-Man likes it! So does Oo-G who pokes D-Boy’s potbelly, or ruffles up his hair, apparently to seduce him. She thinks she’s ‘the seductress’. Which is not to say she is. D-Boy acts all coy when she does it. He’s her ‘coochie-coo’ doll. Also, Oo-G’s shrieks, even whimpers, can kill! No one knows what D-Boy’s scene with D-Man exactly is. There are rumours afloat but no one is sure. Some say D-Boy and D-Man do the (pot)belly dancing routine every now and then. Hips don’t lie! To figure out the ‘scene’ between them is to unravel the ununravelable. Oh well.